Responsibility Varies with Each Child

A few weeks ago, my wife Tanya cut two of her fingers and needed stitches. I was at work, so she enlisted the help of our neighbors and Ella. Without tears or panic, our 8-year-old listened to my instructions on the phone and comforted her 5-year-old sister, Sophia, who was understandably traumatized.

That night, Tanya thanked Ella for her actions. "I'm very proud of you for helping me and Sophia when I cut my fingers," Tanya said. "I can't be-lieve you weren't even scared!"

Ella replied, "Was I supposed to be?"

Tanya and I shared a moment of pride and wonder. Ella's demeanor got me thinking about how we train our children in emergencies. Should we count on our young children to act in stressful situations, or do we risk creating more trauma by giving them too much responsibility?

Amid the unavoidable challenges of life, from medical emergencies to legal woes to home maintenance and beyond, staying grounded is vital. When we react calmly to stress, we improve our chances of success. It's hard enough for many adults. Now imagine if you are too short to reach the phone.

We trust experts like firefighters, doctors and pilots because they train for these specific situations. But even before a person can perfect their trade, they must possess the rare ability to block out the unnecessary details, maintain their own body and come up with a plan of action. Some people are simply not cut out for that kind of role.

Sophia's only 5 and is more emotionally volatile than her sister. At 8, Ella seems comfortable being trusted to call for help or otherwise assist her parents if the situation required it. Nevertheless, my gut still tells me that heaping too much responsibility on my soon-to-be-third-grader could be more pressure than she's equipped to handle.

What if she's the type of person who thrives under stress, as she's already proven once? Like a typical parent, I want to protect my children from possible threats to their well-being. However, I want to be careful not to protect them from threats that don't exist.

Safety comes first, and in emergencies disaster preparedness is vital. The more hands you have to help, the better. Calling 911 or a neighbor, getting out of the house and basic first aid are all things that can be done by young kids to alleviate the stress of a situation, as long as they keep their wits about them. The trick is knowing which kids keep their wits, and which ones don't.

The stitches have been removed, our vacation started as planned the next day and went off without a hitch, and the offending implement is tucked away in the drawer. The kids know not to touch the slicer, but just in case, we've reviewed basic first aid. Hopefully, Ella and Sophia won't have to use it.

Do You Know Your Body?

Earlier this year while we were out for breakfast, Sophia, my 5-year-old, was making annoying noises with her mouth. It sounded something between a boat engine and a rusty bugle. Ella, her 8-year-old sister, repeatedly asked her to stop, but the noise persisted. My wife intervened.

“Sophia, please stop,” Tanya said. “You’re doing that just to annoy Ella.”

“I am not!” Sophia replied, frowning. “You don’t know what my body is about. Nobody knows my body but me!”

Sophia had a point. Her body is unique, and I was happy she protected it. She made me think about a critical issue facing parents: How can we best promote in our children a true appreciation and awareness of their bodies?

A body is more than the vehicle that carries us around and separates us from the rest of the universe. Each body is a unique confluence of physical, mental and spiritual entities and the only thing we can truly call our own. It is fragile, easily disrupted, and needs protection from countless threats. 

Since, as my mother-in-law says, babies aren’t born with instruction manuals, kids are responsible for much of their own training. The sooner children can grasp what their parts do and how, the sooner they can care for those parts. But the threat of poor bodily awareness doesn’t affect everyone the same way. 

In my job as a physical therapist, I’ve met octogenarians who still don’t know that smoking can kill them. Some people seem surprised when I tell them that more walking and less sitting might lengthen their lives.

I often work with stroke victims who need to relearn how to walk, eat, or take a shower. Many of them tell me during their rehab that they never recognized their own capabilities, and that they didn’t appreciate simple activities until they were unable to perform them. Given the chance, they would have done things differently, they say. But bodies come with time limits and a no-return policy.

I’ve met second graders who don’t know the proper names of male and female reproductive organs. This frightens me because when they know how their parts function, they’re more likely to prevent unwanted consequences.   

It’s a child’s right and responsibility to know their physical, mental and spiritual capabilities, and to learn how to care for their most precious possession. Everyone doesn’t need to go to medical school or become a scientist, just to learn to appreciate who they are. In time, our little animals might discover they can run marathons, discover cures for disease, or find inner peace. Their potential is endless. 

While Sophia indeed may have been trying to annoy her sister in the restaurant, I think she was exploring and experimenting with her parts, discovering what will be hers until she dies. As long as it didn’t disturb the other customers, I didn’t care. Sophia already owned the car; she was merely kicking the tires.