Ella was getting in trouble at school for talking in class. My wife Tanya is also extroverted, so she empathized with our second grader. Nevertheless, she explained why it was important that Ella listen to her teacher. Ella agreed, to a point. “But, Mom, sometimes I have to talk!” she pleaded. “It’s hard for you too, isn’t it? Sometimes can’t you just say what you need to say?”
Ella’s inherited gregariousness didn’t excuse her from paying attention in class, but it did stimulate some questions. Are we doing our young children a favor or a disservice by nurturing their inherent abilities? Is it okay to sacrifice the standard path to promote a child’s obvious talents?
Children gravitate toward their natural tendencies regardless of their parents’ preferences. Yet we still have the ability to influence our children’s future by what we introduce to them, and our methods. We often straddle the line between facilitators and police and we can only hope our balancing act pays off when our kids become adults.
Ella has taken guitar lessons for almost a year. She may have natural musical talent but I still have to push her to practice. There are times when I wonder if I’m pushing too hard, or if I’m simply teaching the value of hard work. Either way, I probably won’t know the answer until she’s older.
When a child has a more obvious aptitude or talent, the challenge for parents is amplified. Mozart composed his first symphony at the age of 6. What if his parents had demanded he become a doctor because they thought music was getting in the way of his academics? The world would have been deprived of one its greatest treasures, even if he would have been a great doctor.
On the other hand, too much specialization can lead to burnout or injury or a dearth of basic social skills, all at the expense of furthering a chosen craft. Tiger Woods could split a fairway before kindergarten but would have benefited from spending more time learning about fidelity and less with his five-iron.
I won’t use Ella’s natural abilities as an excuse for certain behaviors, but I will try to recognize them. While Ella is more likely to be a talk show host than a mathematician, she still needs to learn the second grade curriculum. Work ethic, patience and social graces are learned traits, whether you’re a genius or not.
In any case, I will encourage my daughter to follow her passion, whatever it is. If she decides to become the youngest mayor in the history of Fort Collins, I’ll support her. If she wants to continue playing guitar, I’ll pay for lessons and equipment and accept less time for other things. But she better finish her homework. And after watching her try soccer, tennis, dance and guitar, I still think Ella’s strongest innate abilities might be her intellect and social skills.
Then again, I could be wrong.
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