Grown-Ups Are Human, Right?

On a bike ride with my kids last week, Sophia stopped suddenly in front of me. To avoid injuring her, I braked and fell to the side. I wasn't hurt but my sensitive 5-year-old started crying. "You fell off your bike and hurt yourself and now you're mad!" she yelled.

"I didn't get hurt and I'm not mad," I replied. "You just took me by surprise. I didn't want to knock you down."

She continued crying. "Grown-ups are NOT supposed to fall off their bikes!"

I explained to her that grown-ups, even daddies, fall all the time. I couldn't help feeling sad at Sophia's perception of my role. Do we need to make our children aware that adults make mistakes too, or should we trust that they'll figure it out?

Fallibility is part of being human. From walking to adolescence to marriage, life contains innumerable trials. Not doing things right the first time is a necessary condition for learning and hopefully, a pathway to an enriched life from that point forward. Children are by necessity the most frequent and malleable learners. And every student needs a teacher.

In a child's eyes, parents are the blueprint for survival. Behaviors are imitated without question because our little animals crave someone to show them how to function in a complex world. This scenario isn't always positive, like with harmful cycles of abuse across generations, but it is nonetheless a fact.

Most adolescents understand that mom and dad aren't perfect. But for a grade-school child, imagine the trauma of seeing mom screaming in a public place or dad spilling a drink, when they're constantly stressing good behavior and being careful. Such disappointment can either fracture a person's reality or help shape it.

Sophia's reaction to my fall taught me that she depends on my living up to an unrealistic standard. I don't want her to be shocked when she realizes I'm not perfect, but I'm not sure I need to explicitly point it out. I guess she could go 1 of 2 ways.

Pressure: If my role model messes up, how will I ever be good enough?

Relief: If I make mistakes I must be normal, like everyone else.

My wife and I point out the regularity of our mishaps, like forgetting things and breaking dishes and allowing bad words to escape every now and then, in hopes that our kids will develop a realistic sense of expectations. The more I think about it, though, the less all that stuff really matters. We'll be their role models because we love and nurture them. But also because, honestly, they have no choice.

After our bike incident, Sophia's and my relationship dynamic will probably stay on course. She'll look up to me, then she won't for a while, then hopefully she'll think I'm great again. I know one thing: the next time I fall I will most certainly get back up again. I hope Sophia sees it.