Connecting with the Universe

The other day in the car, a favorite song of mine came on. "Girls," I said to my daughters, "this is the same group who sings the song you like from that movie, 'School of Rock.' "

The instant after I said it, the very song I was talking about started playing. "Do you know what this means?" I asked excitedly. "It means we're connected to the universe! We asked for the song and it came on."

Sophia, my 5-year-old, was controlled in her happiness. "I didn't know I could do that," she said.

I believe that a positive attitude leads to happiness and success. If you want something enough and focus your energy on it, my wife Tanya and I tell our daughters, you can have and achieve whatever you desire. I call it "connecting to the universe."

In the real world, though, no one is successful 100 percent of the time. Children need to learn that adversity happens and the skills to deal with it. So I wonder: by promoting the ideas of unfailing positivity and a belief that one can manifest anything, am I setting up my kids for disaster?

I discussed this with a friend of mine whose outlook is different from my own. He works in the financial industry, dealing daily with billions of dollars in assets. He says that realists are idealists with experience and attributes his philosophy of enthusiastic caution to his job requirements. In analyzing countless statistics and measures that contribute to the global economy, he needs to be prudent. If he ignores significant data because of their unpleasantness, he runs the risk of financial disaster for his clients.

As a physical therapist, I have to concentrate on my patients' abilities - what they can do. If I heed the deficits more than I capitalize on the strengths, my clients may not realize their potential. Consequently, much of my life is spent convincing people of what is possible. And while the realism of certain conditions is unavoidable, I've learned that the human spirit is limitless when a desire is strong enough.

Our argument illustrates the depth of such philosophical differences. Some of my friends think I'm nuts, that my ideas run from naive, new-age mumbo jumbo to dangerous idealism. They joke at how my children are being set up for a life of rude awakenings. But I'd rather my kids be optimistic and be disappointed every once in a while than spend their lives living in a vacuum of pessimism. The results of positivity and belief in self-determinism, from Martin Luther King Jr. to Tim Tebow, are undeniable.

On the way home, Ella, my 8-year-old, asked me to change the radio stations. "I want to hear that song. I'm trying to connect to the universe," she said. I obliged her but, alas, no luck. "Why isn't it working?" she asked, sounding sad.

The beginning of the end, perhaps?

That night we manifested our song from iTunes and played it endlessly. The universe works in mysterious ways.

Teanage Pregnancy...Be Very Afraid

Ella and Sohpia, not pregnant
 Boynton Beach, Florida

On Christmas day, my daughters Ella and Sophia were pretending to be mothers to the new dolls they got that morning. Ella mentioned that she had become a mother at 8 years old.

"You can't have a baby at 8," my wife Tanya said. "That's impossible."

"OK, then I was 15," Ella said.

I breathed deeply to control my rocketing heart rate and oncoming nausea, then said, "Fifteen? There's no way you're getting pregnant when you're in high school. Don't even joke about it."

"We're just playing, Dad," Sophia, my 5-year-old said.

I wasn't amused. "I can't talk about this. You'll ruin your life if you have a baby before you finish college. Period."

Despite the challenges inherent in teenage pregnancy, I'm sure there are success stories out there. Nevertheless, I'll admit that no situation scares me more for my daughters than them having babies before they're ready. Just the thought of it gives me chills. Am I overreacting?

Family dynamics have changed considerably in the last century. The U.S Census Bureau website states that in 1900 the average American lived to be 47. In 2007, it was 77. When a woman was unlikely to live past her mid-40s, it made sense to have children earlier, whether she was ready emotionally or not. If she waited too long, she might not be alive to see her children grow up. And in a time when large families were necessary to help on the farm or with the family business, delaying motherhood and devoting time to professional pursuits was rare, even selfish.

Nowadays, it's no mystery that having a post-secondary education leads to more professional opportunities, higher earning potential and most importantly the ability to educate oneself. According to the National Center for Education Statistics, 57 percent of all college graduates in 2009 were female. Not surprisingly, then, almost 60 percent of American women are currently employed in the workforce (www.BLS.gov). Given the gender equality that now exists in the educational and professional arenas, as well as advances in reproductive medicine, women (and their partners) can afford to wait a few years to start a family.

For me, the issue is primarily biological. The frontal lobe of the brain, which is responsible for impulse control, judgment and assessing risk, is not fully developed until our early 20s. Any parent will tell you that if you can't control your drives or make heady choices, you're doomed to be eaten alive by the 24/7 job of parenting.

The divorce rate, consistently more than 50 percent tells us that most grown adults can't handle long-term relationships any better than irritable, immature, hormonal teenagers. Kids crave stability, which is not typical for a demographic that has to juggle school, work and finances, as well as the unforgiving minefields of peer pressure, dating and (gulp) sexuality.

Finally, if we don't trust our youth to control how much alcohol they can drink until they are 21, why isn't there a similar law prohibiting them from having babies before then?

I hope Ella got the point.