Can Song Lyrics be Dangerous...For Parents?

Earlier this year I was listening to a Taylor Swift CD with Sophia, my 6-year-old, when the song "Picture to Burn" came on. "You know there's a bad word in there," Sophia said. "Mom said I can say it only if I'm singing along."

I shrugged.

"You know, the S-word," she said.

I was pretty sure that girl-next-door Taylor Swift didn't curse in her songs, but could I have been wrong? "What word is that?" I asked, with "sexy" or that other S-word coming to mind.

"Stupid," she said.

I exhaled. We listen to a lot of music in our house, but I'd never given much thought to how it might influence my children. I don't want to deprive them of the joys of music, but many of the songs that appeal to them - the ones with catchy, danceable beats - are thematically inappropriate for young kids. What can I do?

I have two confessions. First, some of the songs I listen to contain language I would not want my children to hear. Second, my children have inadvertently heard parts of those songs. I do my best to make sure they don't, but accidents happen.

I consider myself a responsible parent and citizen, and an adult with a right to make my own choices. I also have the ability to separate offensive messages in the media with reality. At 8 and 6, my children don't yet have the intellectual capability to determine what kind of social input could be harmful to them. My job as a parent is to limit their exposure to such things.

Unfortunately, many (if not most) of today's popular songs contain language that would have been considered scandalous 20 years ago. Radio stations bleep out the really bad words, but what's left often refers to sex, drinking, drug use and many other implicitly mature themes. Sometimes, even I'm horrified.

When adults hear things they know are taboo in society, they are less likely than children to be strongly influenced by them. Life experience and brain development allow us to understand context, weigh consequences and control our impulses. But if impressionable kids hear these messages enough, they may learn to think it's normal to glamorize sexual promiscuity and doing drugs. In other words, they can become desensitized.

Our family listens to the radio a lot, and not all songs are inappropriate. When a song comes on that I don't want my kids to hear, I change the station (when Ella doesn't tell me to do it first). What else can I do?

I can restrict listening to certain stations at home, but for how long? I can control what CDs they have in their room or what's on their iPod, but what about at a friend's house? Or at the mall? Or at school? I try to be open-minded when it comes to allowing my children the opportunities to make good choices, but this issue is not going away.

I can't be stupid about it.

Consistency and Consequences

Last week while trying to get the kids ready in the morning, I asked Sophia several times to put her dishes away, brush her teeth and put on her jacket. "Get moving or Ella and I are leaving without you," I finally said.

Sophia put her hand on her hip and replied, "No you won't because then I'll call the police and you'll get in trouble."

"True," I responded, somewhat embarrassed.

Six-year-old, 1. Dad, 0.

Sophia eventually got into the car, and we made it to school and work on time. But my kindergartener's statement got me thinking about how we frame choices to our children. All the parenting manuals say consistency is key, but even parents aren't perfect. So when it comes to threatening consequences, how consistent do we really need to be?

In our innocent until proven guilty justice system, all laws leave room for interpretation. Still, I'm pretty sure that if I had left Sophia alone and she called the police, I would have gotten into big trouble. If the authorities arrived at my house to find that I willfully left my 6-year-old at home just to teach her a lesson, I suppose I could have gotten slapped with a Class 2 misdemeanor child abuse charge, according to the Colorado Child Neglect and Abandonment Statutes. And the lesson would have been mine to learn, not hers.

Of course, I never would have done it, and therein lies my predicament. By offering up a consequence that I had no intention of enforcing, I set myself up for disaster. Sophia knew I wouldn't go anywhere, so I dodged a bullet that time. Or did I? She may be more likely to ignore my next threat on the same basis.

Kids are sensitive to sincerity (or lack thereof). If Sophia and her 8-year-old sister, Ella, learn that mom and dad always deliver on their promise of a time out, they'll probably be less likely to repeat an act that might cause it. But if I threaten on Monday to take away television for three days and let them watch on Tuesday, they won't take me seriously.

The difficulty arises when parents act human like everyone else and slip up. Consistency, at least with regard to parenting, shouldn't equate with 100 percent compliance. At least I hope not because that kind of strict adherence is impossible. Circumstances change and flexibility can sometimes be an asset. It shows our kids that the world doesn't exist in extremes. Sometimes I wonder if watching us err actually leads to more learning anyway.

A parent's role includes so much more than setting rules and routines. One of our most vital jobs is to teach kids about humility. That kind of instruction often takes place passively, as they watch us deal with and accept our shortcomings.

The jury's still out on whether my empty threat will eventually be used against me. Regardless, I'll do my best to follow through, and be glad that Sophia didn't.