Consistency and Consequences

Last week while trying to get the kids ready in the morning, I asked Sophia several times to put her dishes away, brush her teeth and put on her jacket. "Get moving or Ella and I are leaving without you," I finally said.

Sophia put her hand on her hip and replied, "No you won't because then I'll call the police and you'll get in trouble."

"True," I responded, somewhat embarrassed.

Six-year-old, 1. Dad, 0.

Sophia eventually got into the car, and we made it to school and work on time. But my kindergartener's statement got me thinking about how we frame choices to our children. All the parenting manuals say consistency is key, but even parents aren't perfect. So when it comes to threatening consequences, how consistent do we really need to be?

In our innocent until proven guilty justice system, all laws leave room for interpretation. Still, I'm pretty sure that if I had left Sophia alone and she called the police, I would have gotten into big trouble. If the authorities arrived at my house to find that I willfully left my 6-year-old at home just to teach her a lesson, I suppose I could have gotten slapped with a Class 2 misdemeanor child abuse charge, according to the Colorado Child Neglect and Abandonment Statutes. And the lesson would have been mine to learn, not hers.

Of course, I never would have done it, and therein lies my predicament. By offering up a consequence that I had no intention of enforcing, I set myself up for disaster. Sophia knew I wouldn't go anywhere, so I dodged a bullet that time. Or did I? She may be more likely to ignore my next threat on the same basis.

Kids are sensitive to sincerity (or lack thereof). If Sophia and her 8-year-old sister, Ella, learn that mom and dad always deliver on their promise of a time out, they'll probably be less likely to repeat an act that might cause it. But if I threaten on Monday to take away television for three days and let them watch on Tuesday, they won't take me seriously.

The difficulty arises when parents act human like everyone else and slip up. Consistency, at least with regard to parenting, shouldn't equate with 100 percent compliance. At least I hope not because that kind of strict adherence is impossible. Circumstances change and flexibility can sometimes be an asset. It shows our kids that the world doesn't exist in extremes. Sometimes I wonder if watching us err actually leads to more learning anyway.

A parent's role includes so much more than setting rules and routines. One of our most vital jobs is to teach kids about humility. That kind of instruction often takes place passively, as they watch us deal with and accept our shortcomings.

The jury's still out on whether my empty threat will eventually be used against me. Regardless, I'll do my best to follow through, and be glad that Sophia didn't.