Over the last week or so, Ella and Sophia have been playing "Waitress" at dinnertime. Yes, it's exactly what it sounds like. And it's a pretty awesome gig. I highly recommend you introduce this game to your children as well. Everyone wins.
They set the table, serve the food, and clear the table (nice). Like all five-star restaurant wait staff, they refill our wine glasses at no extra charge (very nice).
They make up names, too. Sophia, our 7-year-old, has been partial to Osha; Ella, her 9-year-old sister, likes Iris. Another day Ella was Tasha and Sophia was Tess. I must confess, with all the activity and constant questioning—"Are you folks doing okay?" "Can I get you something else?" "Would you like more water? Dessert? The check?"—I have trouble remembering their names, even though they remind us about fifty times during the meal. The free adult-beverage refills probably don't help matters.
Oh, and they do dance shows before, during and after dinner. Chez Kensley is one high-class eatery, let me tell you. And you never know quite what will be said.
For instance, during one meal they dressed up and wore aprons. Under her apron, Sophia wore a sports bra and her fire-red dance shorts. And when I say shorts, I mean it. In other words, if she were five years older, she wouldn't be allowed to leave the house wearing them. While Tanya and I were enjoying hors d'oeuvres and a pre-dinner cocktail in the living room, Sophia posed and asked: "Do you think I could wear this if I were a real waitress in a real restaurant?"
Tanya replied, without hesitation: "Sure, if you worked at Hooters."
After I picked myself up off the floor, I heard Ella ask, "What's Hooters?"
Tanya explained the whole "delightfully tacky yet unrefined" ethos of that classy, time-tested establishment with the admirable eloquence of a liberated, twenty-first century mother. The kids left it at that, and called us to the table for dinner. Tanya and I shared a silent chuckle, satisfied that we dodged a bullet.
But with Tasha and Osha and whoever they might be tomorrow, I know we can count on more coming our way.
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