Wee Wisdom: It's All in the Mind

Ella and Sophia were drawing portraits of each other. Sophia got frustrated. “It’s hard to draw,” my 7-year-old said. “I don’t know how to do it,”

Ella remained calm. “Just draw what you see. And if you still don’t know, draw what you know of me.”

Beside giving logical advice that was sage beyond her years, Ella touched on an abstraction that I could not ignore. How well, I wondered, do we truly know our children? And by extension, how well can we ever really know them?

I’d like to think that at this early stage of the parenting game, Tanya and I have a decent understanding of the personalities of our 10-year-old and 7-year-old daughters. They express themselves honestly and without the weighty emotional undertones that are sure to creep up in the near future. Generally, what you see is what you get.

Yet certain things about them remain veiled. They don’t always listen to what we ask of them, and I’m not sure why. They keep their rooms organized a certain way, and they gravitate toward specific activities and friends and eschew others. With each passing day, I become more intrigued with their tendencies and less inclined to ask why.

Things change almost daily, and it’s hard to keep up. They are becoming more eloquent and abstract. I see Ella and Sophia sneaking up to their rooms, planning and scheming and gradually reducing the amount of time they request of Mom and Dad. They tell each other secrets and occasionally lie to us, or at least try.

Most intriguing to me are the looks of contemplation and frustration when things don’t go their way, like they’re working feverishly trying to make sense of the absurd realities of adult behavior. I can’t begin to fathom what goes on in those little heads, but I do know that the struggle to comprehend the world around them is a necessary catalyst for growth. And growth is inherently personal.

It can be maddening to ask my kids to clean their rooms a dozen times or remind them endlessly to finish their chores.

But it’s also fun to think that inside those little heads, driven by egocentrism and fueled by unlimited learning potential, they are figuring out how to function at their own pace and in the only way suits them.

Do I want to know how that works? No way. During the coming maelstrom of adolescence, Tanya and I will surely be cast as villains, at least for a short while (it’s already started, by the way). But the emotional and psychological changes that are necessary for growth and grip them will also help our daughters become the amazing women they are destined to be. There is something intriguing for me about the mystery of how we become who are.

I never did see the portraits they drew, and I wish I had. Those drawings might end up being the closest I ever get to what’s truly going on in their amazing little minds.