Thank You. Period.

A little while ago, I brought home ice cream for a surprise dessert treat, and Sophia’s face brightened. “You’re the best dad in the world!” she exclaimed while hugging me tightly.

An odd silence ensued. My second grader must have sensed my unease because she clutched my arm tighter and added, “And I’m not just saying that because of the ice cream.”

Given the number of times we parents feel like we have no idea what we’re doing, any praise from our children is good to hear. But for some reason, even in spite of Sophia’s follow-up comment, the context of her compliment felt a bit hollow. Do I have a right to be upset, or am I just being too sensitive?

This wasn’t the first time Sophia had praised my fatherly skills with those exact words; all of the other instances occurred in response to an unexpected sugary treat. This time, though, she demonstrated something even more impressive than gratitude: she adjusted her behavior to the situation. That’s where my uncertainty comes in.

With the Thanksgiving holiday still retreating in the rearview mirror, perhaps I should stop whining and just be happy that Sophia expressed thanks at all. After all, she immediately acknowledged my deed without prompting and gave me the kind of approval every parent craves. More than that, she had the presence of mind to revise her original comment when she sensed my discomfort. For a 7-year-old, that’s a big deal.

Yet there’s still something unsavory about situational gratitude. I’m not asking to be showered with constant thanks every day; that would be insincere, besides the fact that it’s entirely unnecessary. What I hope for is that my children learn the delicate art of giving thanks unexpectedly, spontaneously, and because they truly feel it.

Is it too much to ask for unanticipated appreciation for helping with homework, or making sure they brush their teeth? Intellectual development and dental hygiene are more important than ice cream, right?

That may be where I’m misguided. Kids aren’t genetically endowed with the ability to recognize the needs of others, let alone to act on them. And they certainly aren’t born with an expertise in interpreting social cues or expressing gratitude. It can’t be natural to appreciate what you have if you’ve never “had” anything else. The best we can do, I guess, is teach and hope it sticks.

Now that I think about it, despite initially repeating something that she knew had offended me in the past, Sophia also demonstrated skillful management of the situation by quickly amending her original statement. For that, maybe I should simply be thankful. After all, she was doing exactly what Tanya and I have taught her to do.

For the record, “best dad ever” carries more weight than I’m comfortable shouldering, even if such a thing existed. (I’m pretty sure it doesn’t.) In any case, I’m happy just being known as the best dad in the Kensley House. And I’m not just saying that because Sophia might eventually read this.