Life Isn't PG-13

While we were returning from lunch one day at work last week, a friend gathered all the parents around the office. "I need your opinions," she said.

Her 12-year-old daughter attended a sleepover birthday party where the invitation had promised going out for breakfast and then "watching movies." But when my friend's daughter got home, she informed her mom that the birthday girl's mother had taken the group to the theater to see "Pitch Perfect 2." You know the one: where the billboard slogan tastefully advertises "We're Back, Pitches." For a taste, click here for the trailer.

My friend was upset for two reasons. First, she was not comfortable with exposing her daughter to the crude and raunchy themes portrayed at various times in Pitch Perfect 2. But the more egregious issue was that her friend didn't bother to ask permission of her or any other parents to take their 12-year-olds to a PG-13 rated movie. "I watched the trailer," my friend said, "and I was like, what? You didn't even ask me?!"

My friend takes her role as a parent seriously and her angst was palpable. We all nodded in solidarity with her and agreed that the "responsible" parent should have cleared this decision with all the others prior to their little field trip into "Sophomoric Humor, Political Incorrectness and Oversexualized Culture 101." It's just basic protocol to ensure that plans are okayed by friends' parents before actually going. But for me, there was another issue:

Tanya and I took Ella—our 12-year-old—to see that very same movie the previous day.

The fact that I had seen the film allowed me to truly feel my friend's pain, knowing her daughter was watching numerous scenes obviously not geared for 12-year-olds, all without her consent. Some of the themes and lines even made me uncomfortable, knowing that my wholesome, innocent (so far, anyway) 6th grader was sitting right next to me while I nearly choked laughing. Yet aside from the movie-mom's lack of common sense, there's a greater discussion here.

Everyday we are forced to make choices for our kids, just as they are forced to make their own. Both parties rationalize and justify and hopefully learn from our experiences. Sometimes we get it right and sometimes we get it wrong, but one thing remains certain: we can't avoid making these choices. Our best weapons are to think them through and own our decisions, regardless of the result, and move forward.

Unlike the physical sciences, where facts and data can prove or disprove certain decisions and offer a high certainty that what we've done is reasonable, parenting avails itself of no such science. The results of our choices can take years to evince themselves, and even then, they've been blended with hundreds of other circumstances, so that determining cause and effect is like isolating sugar from the cake after it's been baked. In essence, though, I believe that one decision rarely makes or breaks a life. Still, we try our best, as if our every action determines the fate of the world.

Like it or not, sex and materialism and pathological consumerism are impossible—I REPEAT: IMPOSSIBLE—to avoid. Tanya has expressed many times—so very wisely—that there's only so much we can isolate our children from, so we might as well jump on board and take the wild ride with them. We can help navigate, educate, and explain so at least the discussion happens with people who understand and are willing to take the time to clarify challenging concepts. Hopefully, when the time comes for our youngsters to make their own decisions, our trust in them emboldens them with the confidence and wisdom to come out ahead most of the time.

For the record, I'm still peeved at the mom who didn't ask permission. I'd have been just as upset if another parent made a decision like that for me, and I respect my friend's conviction as a responsible, dedicated parent who's trying to do what she feels best.

But as I watch my kids grow up in a society where pop radio plays songs with lyrics that were banned by the FCC 20 years ago, and where the ubiquity of sex and overindulgence is the norm rather than the exception, I keep reminding myself that life doesn't carry a rating. But with some flexible PG, our kids might make it past 13 better equipped for the future. That might be as close to perfect as we can get.