Privacy

 

Published January 23, 2011 in the Coloradoan.  Got some hate mail for this one.

Ella got a Taylor Swift CD for Christmas. Tanya immediately made a copy in preparation for the usual property destruction that occurs with our kids. Last week, after I inserted the copy into the car CD player, Ella asked where I got it.

“Mom must have burned it from your original.” I thought my answer was innocuous.

“You mean mom took my CD without asking me?”

“Yeeeaaaah,” I said, drawing out my answer long enough to think of a way to cover for my well-intentioned wife. “I guess she figured you wouldn’t mind.”

Parents of young children are responsible for ensuring kids’ safety and supervising their choices. As such, we need freedom to see things like what websites they’re visiting and what (or whom) is hiding in their room. But every human, regardless of age, should have the same rights as everyone else. Where, then, do we draw the line between parental authority and respecting the privacy of minors? 

It’s illegal and unethical to open someone else’s mail, enter someone’s house without an invitation, or search someone’s hard drive without consent. However, if I suspected my 7-year-old, or for that matter, my 4-year-old, was involved with guns or drugs or other unsafe endeavors, I would not hesitate to invade their privacy. It’s my parental responsibility. Right? 

Maybe not. I’ll bet you didn’t know that according to article 16 in the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child, “no child shall be subjected to arbitrary or unlawful interference with his or her privacy, family, home or correspondence.”  

Brigham Young University law professor Richard Wilkins warns that Article 16 “has the potential to place the basic ability to discipline and monitor children...into serious doubt.” Indeed, most of us would agree to circumvent this provision if our child was in danger. I dug deeper and, thankfully, found that Article 5 of the same document recognizes the “protection and care as necessary for (a child’s) well-being, taking into account the rights and duties of his or her parents.” At least as far as the UN is concerned, parents can still be parents. But the nuances of the UN document make clear the parent’s conundrum when it comes to privacy for minors. The line between respect and cluelessness can be dangerously thin.    

Tanya and I may be legally allowed to enter Ella’s room for the vague purposes of  protecting her and promoting her well-being, but borrowing her things doesn’t fit into that category. Though it might sound like a minor issue now, adolescence is around the corner, and teenagers are notorious for clandestine activity. We want her to trust us when the stakes are higher.   

Ella wasn’t too upset but she did clarify her stance. “It’s okay that mom borrowed my CD. But she should have asked.”

Agreed. Rules apply not only to those who are required to follow them, but to those who make them as well.