Scooby Doo..We Love You

Scooby Doo, our beloved dog of 12 years, passed on on March 13, 2013. He was very ill and we helped put him out of his misery, though not without much sadness. All four of us—Tanya, myself, Ella and Sophia—have things we'd like to say. Here is Ella's piece.

Scooby Doo

By: Ella Kensley

3/21/13

I am sad but Scooby is in a happy place and is in peace. I love him so much and have lots of happy memories with him and love him with all my heart. He was the best dog in the world. These are hard times and on the 13 he got put down. I hope to see him when I go up there too. Everyone loved him like my friends and family. He always came to the door when I got home from school or a trip. He would never let me down. He would never let me down and could not let me down. That is why I loved him so much. Hope you liked my article.

-Ella

Time Alone...Force it or Not?

Ella was telling me about an elaborate “family” game she played at recess with her fourth-grade friends.

It involved about a dozen kids, and the details were too convoluted for me to keep track of. I changed the subject and asked Sophia, my 7-year-old, what games she played at recess that day.

“I played by myself,” she replied. “Natalia was playing with someone else. So I did some cartwheels and flipped around on the playground. But I was OK with it.”

Sophia has a lot of nice friends and has always managed well socially, occasional playground drama notwithstanding. She’s also sensitive and expresses herself when her feelings are hurt. So I was a bit surprised when choosing to play alone didn’t bother her. Still, her comment did make me wonder: Should parents encourage their kids to spend time alone, or is it not our business?

Humans are social creatures. From the family unit to sports to work, we generally are better supported in teams. Some of us, however, are both capable and willing, to be left alone. Quite often, I am one of those people.

I’m comfortable interacting with friends and family, and I appreciate the importance of trusting others (sometimes) to get jobs done. But I also enjoy hiking in the mountains by myself, or being alone for hours while driving, reading a book or writing.

There are advantages to being able to function alone — for all ages. We develop skills like problem-solving and creativity, and are forced to learn about and trust ourselves.

Someone may not always be around to help, and it’s important to be able to manage on our own in situations at school, work and travel, to name a few.

But if kids choose to be in a group most of the time, will they lag on developing their independence? The question itself may be moot.

As a parent, I teach and encourage behaviors I deem important. Ultimately, my kids will do what they prefer based on their personalities, regardless of what I say.

If they enjoy spending time with their friends, it probably wouldn’t be prudent for me to discourage that in favor of self-reliance. Plus, it’s probably a bit too controlling.

Life is full of circumstances where we may find ourselves isolated for a long time: car breakdowns, travel snafus, relationship break-ups, for example. I admit I don’t want my kids to be lacking in coping skills should these situations arise.

But their lives will be full of opportunities for new learning. And being stuck in strange, challenging and unique situations — all alone — can be a perfect catalyst for the growth I’m trying to impart anyway.

Children without siblings have no choice, at least when they’re at home. As such, functioning alone is an accepted part of their life. And when I think about it, demanding that a child to spend time alone, even for a short time, is analogous to forcing an only child to have a temporary sibling. That doesn’t make much sense, and I’m OK with that.

Parental Evolution

Sophia decided in January that she was ready for sleep away camp this summer. Her older sister Ella will be going with her, but Sophia knows that Mom or Dad won’t be there at night or any other time during her week away.

My first-grader, who just turned 7, has always enjoyed her bedtime snuggles. So you can imagine my surprise when, before bed a few weeks ago, Sophia said, “Dad, you can go. I’m going to skip snuggles tonight. I need to get ready for summer camp.”

I was surprised, proud and a bit sad. Sophia made the independent choice to prepare herself for more than just a week away from home. And as she gradually gets ready for the rest of her life, I have to wonder what my role will be. Will I have to change as much as she does?

From sleeping through the night to making friends to plowing through 700-page Harry Potter books, growth happens fast. And while we’ve endured some tough moments — falling down the stairs, tantrums, and playground drama come to mind — my kids seem to be enjoying their rapid maturation. They’re gaining invaluable confidence on a daily basis, possibly because each new phase also increases their freedom from their parents.

The process is exciting but also a bit frightening. The older they get, the faster the changes seem to occur. All you parents will surely nod your heads when you read this: it seems like just yesterday Sophia was begging me to stay with her in bed until she fell asleep. Now, I get dismissed from the same snuggles I’ve been performing since she’s been able to form the words to request them.

I’m aware of how vital parents are for helping kids develop good habits in everything from sleeping to moral character. We can certainly spend a lot of time and energy planning for every milestone. But the changes happen faster than we can recognize them. It’s hard to know for sure when one stage ends and another begins.

If I’m to let my children fulfill their destinies, my role in their lives will need to evolve. If I stubbornly cling to the notion that they’re always going to want me around in the same capacity, I’ll be in trouble. The trick is figuring out how my growth trajectory can coexist with theirs.

When the pre-teen years roll around, I’ll be the shuttle service. When I need to pretend to tolerate their boyfriends, I’ll try to be polite so my daughters can make their own relationship mistakes. And ultimately learn from them.

I’m already dreading some of those inevitable stages, but I have to continually remind myself that all parents go through the same issues. If there’s anything constant in this world, it’s change. We can fear it or embrace it, but it happens anyway.

Tanya later told me the same thing had happened to her a few nights earlier. I felt better knowing I wasn’t alone, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss that snuggle.