Happy Monday

At 8:20 am on a Monday a couple of weeks ago, Ella realized she had forgotten to do part of her homework. My normally unflappable fifth-grader freaked out. Every word that escaped her mouth was a scream as she panicked in a way I've never seen.

"I'm going to get in trouble!" she yelled. "I have to do my math facts! I don't know my 8's multiplication tables well enough yet! Mr. Hill is mean! This is too much pressure! I can't handle this pressure! That's why I didn't want to go to school today!"

The tears flowed like floodwaters and I literally had no idea what to say. I'd seen and heard outbursts before, but this was on a whole other level. Ella rushed to do what she could in the 10 minutes before school, but she was beside herself.

"Ella," I said, "at this point, you're better off just cutting your losses. It's only the second week of the school year. It's not going to be a big deal."

But in Ella's fifth grade class, kids start with a certain amount of "Cougar Cash" at the beginning of the year, and can earn and spend on a variety of other things. They get bonuses for certain jobs well done and fined for transgressions.

"I'm going to get fined like...two dollars!" she screamed. I sensed that Ella was riding the crest of a hormonal tsunami, the stuff of legends.

"Just take the fine and you'll do better next time," I said. "I'm sure you'll earn it back another way."

The Offending Math Homework

I walked with Ella to school. She had stopped crying by the time she hit the playground.

I sought out her math teacher, Mr. Hill. He informed me that the multiplication tables on that week's homework were merely for review, and were in no way meant to represent the kind of high pressure situation that precedes standardized testing or grad school exams. He certainly didn't want the kids to panic. When I asked him about Ella's claim that he assigned homework to be done on the weekend, Mr. Hill smiled and rolled his head back in disbelief.

"I rarely, if ever, give homework on the weekend," he said. "I gave them this assignment last Monday, to be completed by this Monday."

I'm hoping Ella will learn from this experience and be more prepared on the next go around. I also hope she learns to manage her emotions, at the very least to give my ear drums a reprieve.

Alas, time is not on my side. Adolescence is creeping up fast, and I'm bracing for the legendary estrogen-fueled eruptions that become lore. My friends have assured me of what to expect.

You have girls...oooohhh, get ready, man. It's going to get ugly.

Brace yourself. It's going to be a ride for a few years.

Girls are easier when they're young, but boys are waaaay easier when they're teenagers.

Thanks, everyone, for the encouragement. I feel so much better now.