Last Friday night, Tanya was watching the news about the incomprehensible events at Sandy Hook elementary school in Newtown, Conn. Ella came in unannounced and asked what had happened. Trying to keep it as appropriate as possible for a 9-year-old, Tanya told her a very ill man entered a school and killed a lot of people. Ella was sad.
Sophia, Ella’s 6-year-old sister, was more concerned about her own safety. “Connecticut’s far from here, right? He’s not coming here, is he?” she asked. Tanya continually reassured Sophia that the man was dead and her school was safe.
The massacre in Newtown has weighed on my mind since it happened. After learning more, and while suppressing tears and rage, I wished I hadn’t heard about it. Now I wonder: When it comes to senseless tragedies like this one, are we better off not knowing?
I’m not naive. Negative emotions are part of life and necessary for a healthy psychology. Supporting our fellow humans is a vital component of healing. I also understand the need to be informed. Our reactions to painful and unsettling events often lead to great societal change, like abolishing slavery and curbing hate crimes, for example. The particularly unsavory nature of this case can help us address our society’s glaring lack of mental health care, and perhaps effect better gun control laws.
Still, I find this pill harder to swallow. I want my kids to experience the joys and tribulations of growing up, and that includes attending school. Getting an education should be stimulating and exciting, not fraught with fear and vigilance. It’s neither practical nor conducive to a positive academic experience to navigate metal detectors, gates and security guards to reach the classroom. It’s not beneficial to fear a place you go every day.
Newtown, Conn., after all, is not exactly famous for a high level of crime. The same goes for Littleton, Blacksburg, Montreal and Omaha, all of which are among the list of cities where similar atrocities have occurred. The fact that a list exists at all — and believe me, it’s long — is disturbing enough.
Being inundated with coverage of this and other massacres doesn’t improve my life. I grieve for the victims and their families, but knowing about this incident breeds fear and instills rage, both of which impair my ability to think clearly.
Sadly, I admit that even the possibility of this happening to Ella and Sophia was enough to make me consider moving. Unfortunately, comparable events have happened in China, France, Germany and South Africa, among other nations. Disturbed people live everywhere. Running away won’t make me safer, and the media is unavoidable.
I can, however, always choose my perspective.
My best defense against terror is to love and nurture my kids, teach them to reach out to others, and seek the positive. Tragedy will happen again, but I stand firm in my belief that 99 percent of all humans on this planet are good, and always will be.
This holiday season, I’m turning off the news.
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